


If This Is To End In Fire

by reaperlove



Category: Supernatural
Genre: (not Dean/Cas), Alternate Universe, Anal Sex, Angst, BAMF Castiel, Barebacking, Blow Jobs, Bottom Dean, Dean Winchester Whump, Dean-Centric, Domestic Violence, Gothic Elements, Happy Ending, Haunted Houses, Hurt Dean Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, M/M, Minor Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester, Panic Attacks, Past Abuse, SPN AU Big Bang 2016, Slurs, Smut, Supernatural Elements, Temporary Character Death, Top Castiel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-05
Updated: 2017-01-05
Packaged: 2018-09-14 23:04:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9209345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reaperlove/pseuds/reaperlove
Summary: Dean  Winchester doesn't trust easy, not after everything he's been through. When he finds a new home and a new job in Kelvin's Point, he's almost ready to believe he also found happiness for the first time in his life.  But what does he really know about this Castiel and is their love enough to keep the ghosts from the past away for good?





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first Big bang I participate in as a writer and I'd like to thank the [SPN AU Big Bang](http://spn-au-big-bang.tumblr.com/) mod for her help and support, I wouldn't have even started without the relentless cheerleading of the awesome sunflower petal that is [stardustandfreckles](http://stardustandfreckles.tumblr.com).
> 
> I have to thank my lucky star that [entirely-the-wrong-sort](http://entirely-the-wrong-sort.tumblr.com) chose to be my artist, her breathtakingly beatiful artwork makes this fic 100% better and without her valuable input. this story would still be unfinished. This is the [Art Masterpost](http://entirely-the-wrong-sort.tumblr.com/post/155439847060/my-artwork-for-if-this-is-to-end-in-fire-by-the), please let her know what a brilliant work she's done.
> 
> Last but not least at all, I want to thank and hug and kiss [CopaceticBrainBox](http://archiveofourown.org/users/CopaceticBrainBox/pseuds/CopaceticBrainBox) for once again saving my ass with her incredible editing skills, she's the best friend and beta ever. Please check out her works as well, she's an amazing author.
> 
> And countless 1k1h hosted by the [Weekend Writing Marathon](http://weekendwritingmarathon.tumblr.com/) were the only things that made me sit down and actually focus on writing, I can't thank them enough.
> 
>  
> 
>  **TRIGGER WARNING** for domestic violence (not between Dean and Cas)!

 

 

 

Dean shielded his eyes against the blinding sunlight and squinted up at the pristine white tower. It stood out tall against the clear blue sky and when Dean took in a deep breath to steady his nerves, he could feel the salt of the sea on his tongue. He leaned back against the black Impala and closed his eyes. It was like his heartbeat synchronised with the loud crashing of waves against the cliff behind him, like the ocean welcoming home a lost son.

 

He was pulled out of his thoughts by the sound of car tires churning up the gravel on the road that led to Kelvin’s Point's historic lighthouse. A large police SUV stopped behind Dean’s car and a brightly smiling, blonde woman walked towards him with an outstretched hand. Dean couldn’t help but smile back, her cheerfulness was infectious.

 

“Mr. Winchester, welcome to Kelvin’s Point, I’m sheriff Donna Hanscum, so good to finally meet you in person. I hope you had a good trip over here, awfully long drive all the way from Kansas to California, you must be exhausted. Let’s have a look inside so you can get settled, shall we?”

 

She talked like a machine gun on acid… and with a Minnesotan accent, Dean thought, all the while shaking his hand like a water pump. All he could do was nod along and follow the attractively plump woman inside the lighthouse tower.

 

“Sadly the eroding shoreline claimed the beautiful keeper’s house a couple of years ago, but we renovated the old oil and repair room as soon as we knew you’d take the job. It wasn’t easy to find someone as qualified as you are.” And with an appreciative glance that made Dean blush up to the tip of  ears she added, “And as single as you are. Just because the tower couldn’t house a whole family, couldn’t it?”

 

“Yeah, good thing I don’t have one,” Dean absentmindedly rubbed his right hand over his heart, “A family, I mean. I just have a younger brother, he’s a lawyer in San Francisco. He does have one though, a family.”

 

God, when had he become so damn socially awkward. Sam had been right, it was probably time “to start wearing pants again and get under people already,  for fucks sake.” After the _accident_ and everything that had followed, he had buried himself in his history studies and only left the house when there was nothing but cobwebs left to eat. To say he had become a somewhat agoraphobic hermit was a euphemism.

 

“I’m sorry,” he said with soft laughter, “it seems I have to practice my people skills again, I suck at small talk. Oh shit, sorry I said suck… and shit, oh fuck, I better shut up now.”

 

Sheriff Hanscum threw back her head and barked out loud laughter. She threw her blonde ponytail over her shoulder and patted Dean’s arm.

 

“Don’t ya worry, we’re not an overly formal folk here, you’ll fit right in. And you still have a couple of months before you’ll be ready to open the lighthouse to the public, enough time for you to blossom into a social butterfly.”

 

The lighthouse. The reason Dean came here in the first place. He’d helped to automate lighthouses as an engineer when he was in the Coast Guard and was fascinated enough by them to make them the focus of his college final graduation studies after he left the services. Images started to push their way to the surface, pictures of how his career had ended, of fire and pain, so much pain.

 

“Mr. Winchester? Dean!” Sheriff Donna held him by his shoulders and shook him lightly, concern furrowing her brows. “There you are. You just...blanked out for a minute. Are you okay? Sit down, I’ll get you a glass of water.”

 

She pushed him down onto a comfortable, cream colored couch and turned to the small kitchen area. Dean wiped the cold sweat from his face and wrapped his arms around his chest, rocking slightly back and forth. Shit, he almost let himself sink into a panic attack, he was so goddamn stupid. Donna came back with a tall glass of cold water. Dean took it with shaking hand and gulped it down in one go.

 

“I’m so sorry, Sheriff Hanscum, these things, they shouldn’t happen anymore, I promise to get a grip on it. I just, I don’t know, I must be, the long drive and, and…” he petered out, words failing him.

 

“Please, I don’t want to hear none of your apologies, no need to, okie dokie? And call me Donna.” Her cheeky grin turned to a more serious expression. “May I sit down beside you?”

 

Dean nodded and Donna joined him on the sofa. She tentatively laid a hand on his arm and when Dean relaxed a little, she cleared her throat.

 

“You have to forgive me, Dean, but you know I had to vet you before I could approve your hiring.” She lowered her head. “I know a little about what happened with your partner four years back. I can not imagine what it was like to go through something like that and get back on your feet again. You’re one h-e-double-hockey sticks of a strong man .”

 

Dean looked up and found her smiling softly. There was no pity in her eyes, thank god, he didn’t know if he could’ve dealt with that.

 

“Do you want me to stay for a while or do you prefer I leave?”

 

“Could you, if you don’t mind, could you, I think I need a moment for myself.” His voice was hoarse and foreign to his own ears. Donna squeezed his arm and rose to her feet.

 

“No problem, I’ll give you some space, we can continue this later, after you got some rest. Maybe you come to my office tomorrow morning so you can sign some papers? The landline doesn’t work yet, and the cell phone reception can be tricky out here, but I left my personal number on the counter, don’t hesitate to call me if you need something, any time. We’ve stocked the fridge and pantry with some basics, so no need to leave today if you don’t feel like it.”

 

“Thank you, Donna, I really appreciate it.” He stood up, his legs feeling like jelly and he had to sit down again.

 

“I can find my way out, it’s not like this is a palace.” She walked towards the door and turned around before she closed it behind her.

 

“I’ll see you tomorrow and again, for all it’s worth, we’re happy to have you. Have a good first night.”

 

“Thanks, you too, see you in the morning.”

 

He listened to her footsteps retreating and when he heard the engine turn over, he let himself fall back into the cushions again.

 

“Way to make a good first impression, Winchester,” Dean murmured to himself and closed his eyes.

 

                                                                                            

 

After a fitful night’s sleep and a cereal breakfast, Dean drove the Impala the long way into the quaint town of Kelvin’s Point. It was a small settlement, standing out on the vast surrounding plains with its picturesque, white houses and the tall brickhouse church. He found the sheriff’s office straight away and parked the Impala right in front of it.

 

He kept sitting behind the steering wheel and listened to the ticking sound of the cooling engine before he mustered up enough courage to enter the menial, modern building. He didn’t know how the sheriff would react after he had thoroughly embarrassed himself in front of her the other day.

 

Turned out, he didn’t have to worry, she was just as welcoming and bubbly as the other day and didn’t mention his little breakdown at all. And because the young Deputies Tran and Fitzgerald treated him just the same way, Deputy Garth perhaps even more exuberantly than the sheriff, if that was even possible, Dean knew that Donna hadn’t gossiped.

 

It turned out that Donna’s husband was the mayor of Kelvin’s Point and had trusted his wife with the employment papers.They chatted about the weather, an upcoming pumpkin festival and he was given directions to the nearest grocery store. Dean felt at ease, talking to these strangers came easy to him today. He left with the promise to drop by at least once a week and tell them about the progress he made and to take some time to explore their lovely beaches.

 

When he was back in the Impala, he pulled out his cellphone and dialed Sam’s number.

 

“Heya, Sammy, how’s the family?” This time he didn’t have to fake a cheerful tone, like so many times before when he didn’t want his little brother to worry about him and Sam immediately picked up on that.

 

“Wow, you sound downright chipper, Dean, I’m not going to say“I told you so,” but I can already tell it was a good decision to make you take that job. Could’ve phoned earlier though, jerk, I was worried you got lost on your way to Cali.”

 

Dean rolled his eyes, somewhere along the way their positions had changed and Sam had taken over the role of the concerned big brother despite being four years younger than Dean.

 

“You didn’t make me do shit, bitch, so stop gloating. The cellphone reception is a little touch and go out here and I didn’t feel like going into town yesterday evening. Was a long journey and such.” He pinched his nose and tried to will back a sudden headache. Dammit, he wouldn’t go there again.

 

“Is everything okay, Dean?” Fuck, his brother was way more perceptive than Dean liked to admit.

 

“Yeah, everything’s peachy. The townsfolk seem pretty nice. And you should see the lighthouse, Sam, it’s a thing of beauty.” He craned his head to look at the stony hill,  where it stood proudly against the sparkling sea. It truly was a breathtaking sight.

 

“I’m glad to hear that, you deserve a little happiness, Dean. I’m kinda worried about the no phone thing, in case of emergencies, you know.” Dean knew exactly what he was talking about, the exact same reason why he left Kansas behind, and Maine and all the crap memories that went with it.

 

“Sam, it’s alright. I had a checkup with Dr. Barnes last week, my heart is in tip top condition.” He let his hand linger over the place where the ugly, ragged scar was, a permanent reminder of his past mistakes. “And the local sheriff’s gonna drop by every day until the landline is installed.” He felt bad lying to his brother, but the truth was close enough.

 

“Okay, good, sorry, I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable. Looks like everything’s working out alright. I wish I could come by and visit you, but with the new baby and all, Eileen needs me here right now.”

 

Dean smiled at the thought of his little 4 months old niece Sandra and his sister in law.

 

“Nah, I understand, Give me some time to settle in and I’m gonna drive up and visit y’all.”

 

They talked for a while about Sam’s little family before the crying of a hungry baby in the background interrupted them. Sam made Dean swear to call him at least once a week and hung up. As much as he missed his brother, Dean was infinitely thankful that he had his own family now and his life didn’t revolve around Dean and their dad anymore. He was proud of the little squirt.

  


After a short grocery run, where he also discovered a bakery with mouthwatering pies and pastries, Dean returned to the lighthouse. It was still light outside, so he decided to take his sandwich up the 138 steps to the gallery to enjoy the view from 150 ft high. In the days when the lighthouse was still operational, the glass walls  were sealed shut so the draft couldn’t affect the flame, but after it went out of service and was replaced by a radio beacon a couple of miles north, they had installed a door and a visitor’s platform. They had to close it for visitors again after the massive erosion that had claimed a good part of the surrounding area, but the rock the actual lighthouse was standing on had proven to be so solid that it even withstood a major earthquake. Now the cliffs ended directly under the lighthouse, a steep drop of almost 200 feet down from the lamp room.

 

Dean made himself comfortable, huddled up in a thick woolen coat, and enjoyed the cold late September air. He leaned against the window and let his gaze sweep over the ocean. He could see the sea lions and harbor seals settle in for the night on Dead Man’s rock, a rocky island in the middle of the cove that surrounded Kelvin’s Point.

 

In 1868, the Kelvin, the clipper ship Kelvin, bound for San Francisco ran aground the 100 feet from the island in a foggy night and sank. All 32 souls on board were lost and the town was renamed in their honor. The disaster was also the reason for building the lighthouse at this point.

 

Dean took out his binoculars to look for sea otters, when he saw him. A tall man with dark hair walked between the elephant seals and then jumped from the top of Dead Man’s rock into the churning ocean, but ass naked.

 

Dean dropped his ham and cheese and sprung to his feet, searching the ocean for the jumper, but he didn’t come up again. He rummaged around in his pockets for his cellphone, but he must have left it in the charger downstairs. He contemplated running down to call a search and rescue team, when he saw a dark head emerging between the breakers. The man seemed to orientate himself and swim a few strokes, before he dived back under.

 

Dean held his breath. After what seemed like hours, the head appeared again, near the shore this time and Dean watched the man climb on the beach. Relief flooded him, then anger towards the guy’s reckless behaviour. He had still trained the lenses on the man and couldn’t help the twinge of arousal he felt at the gorgeous sight. He was well muscled but not bulky, water dripping down his broad chest, down the flat stomach into his pubic hair and that’s where Dean tore away his gaze. He felt like a freaking peeping Tom.

 

Maybe one last look, just to make sure he wasn’t injured. His cheeks heated up when he realized how disappointed he was that the guy was already dressed again, though he had to admit, the jeans that hung low on his hips and the green woolen sweater looked good on him. That’s when the man turned his head and looked up, directly at Dean. He could’ve sworn, even from this distance, that his eyes gleamed bright blue in the light of the setting sun.

 

Dean quickly dropped to his knees and stowed away the binoculars. Great, first the almost full blown panic attack and now voyeurism. He turned out to be a real classy addition to the town’s community. He hoped and prayed the guy hadn’t seen him, or at least hadn’t seen Dean taking a peek at his naked body. His well formed, very desireable, naked body. Oh god, he really should go out and get laid. Dean gathered up his things and climbed down to his living quarters again. After he had brushed his teeth and turned out the lights, it took a long time before sleep finally claimed him. And if he dreamed of blue eyes and tanned skin, that was frankly nobody’s business but his owns.

  


                                                                                    

                                                             

Dean had spent almost all week filling up the drop hole that once was needed for the weight mechanism that turned the light. As much as he’d loved to install the pulleys and cables again, the hole went down all the way to the foundation and was a safety hazard. He had put a last layer of cement on top of the fill and waited for it to settle. He had plans for installing a large commemorable plate in the center of it, with all the names of past lighthouse keepers, but he had to run it by the mayor and the Lighthouse Society of America first, who funded part of the restoration.

 

He decided to take advantage of the sunny weather and take a hike across the shoreline of the cove, maybe stop in town for a piece of pie. He couldn’t find his binoculars anywhere, so no bird watching today. That had happened a lot the past days. He could have sworn he put his tool belt on the stairs and found it up in the lamp room, or his phone buried deep in his laundry basket instead of on the nightstand. His absentmindedness concerned him, but wasn’t anything new, it happened sometimes when he was fully concentrated on his work.

 

He locked the door behind him and began the slow descent down the stairs that had been rock-cut into the cliff. The hard physical labor had felt good, the exhaustion keeping away the dark thoughts that would try to seep into the corners of his mind when he was alone.

 

He’d only walked for a couple of minutes, his eyes trained on the ever breaking waves, when a man suddenly appeared right in front of him, seemingly out of nowhere. He startled and almost slipped, but strong arms wrapped around his waist and kept him from toppling down a dune.

 

Dean found himself face to face with the naked jumper, they were standing so close that he could feel the man’s hot breath ghosting over his skin and he suppressed a shudder. The eyes, he had not been mistaken, they were the brightest blue Dean had ever seen, the color of the ocean on a clear day. And he didn’t even want to think about his stubbled jawline or the adorable way his nose scrunched as he blinked against the sun. The arms were still holding him close and no, it shouldn’t feel so right to be held by a complete stranger, who was intently gazing into Dean’s eyes.

 

When the man finally let go, Dean was perturbed by how much he already missed the heat of a body pressed against his. He took a step back and offered a hand for a formal handshake to the stranger, which was accepted after an uncomfortably long moment of unbroken staring.

 

“Jeez, you scared the crap out of me there, buddy. Thanks for keeping me from falling on my clumsy ass.” Dean thought the dude’s eyes definitely darted to Dean’s ass when he mentioned it. “My name is, uhm, I’m the new lighthouse keeper, well, not really, I’m just here to polish it up a little, make the old lady shine again, figuratively speaking, well, also literally if you want to, hah, anyway, I’m, uh, I’m Dean Winchester, nice to meet you.”

 

The stranger tilted his head and squinted at him and Dean wanted the earth to just open up and swallow him.

 

“You talk too much, Dean Winchester.”

 

Dean felt all his blood rush to his face and then quickly drain completely out of it when the stranger stepped into his personal bubble and, without hesitation, lifted Dean’s chin up and once again focused his gaze on Dean.

 

“They are green, your eyes. That is very rare, especially in males.”

 

His tone was very matter of fact and Dean couldn’t tell what to make of it.

 

“Uhm, thank you...uhh, mister?” he gulped out, still in the grip of the oh-so-soft nimble fingers.

 

“Castiel.”

 

He finally let go of Dean and just started to walk away. He turned around to a baffled Dean and said, “I want to get to know you. I’ll be at the lighthouse at 7pm sharp. Fish and vegetables, no meat.”

 

With that he disappeared in the opposite direction and Dean had to sit down for a moment, in the middle of the path. It seemed like he had a date tonight, with Castiel, the nude jumper. Awesome. He continued his walk into town and bought a brass, some green asparagus, garlic and sprang for a taxi, he wasn’t sure if his legs could carry the groceries and his nerves back to the lighthouse. He didn’t even notice that the door stood slightly ajar when he went inside.

  


The little apartment smelled heavenly, roasted fish wafting through the corridors. Dean had swayed between being sure Castiel wouldn’t come, and being sure Castiel _would_ come and end up being a serial killer who’d take his eyes as a trophy. Or maybe he’d get laid by a stranger named Castiel.

 

He was a sweaty mess. He was just contemplating whether he should take another shower, when he heard his door open and Castiel stepped inside.

 

“Hello Dean.”

 

Dean froze in place, unable to speak a word. Castiel was a stunningly beautiful sight, in his grey cargos and tight, white button up shirt, hair still damp. Dean could see firm pecs and dark chest hair through the flimsy fabric and lingered on the erect, pink nipples.

 

“I see you can be quiet, I like that. I’d prefer to talk to you tonight, though, so please, you may speak. The food smells pleasing, let’s eat first.”

 

He walked past Dean with such surety that it left Dean gaping like a fish on dry land as he watched him sit down on the couch, where Dean had set out the dishes on the only table in the small room.

 

“Alrighty then, I’m gonna, yup, I’m gonna get the fish, that’s what I’m gonna do.”

 

Wow, when did he start talking that much crap when he got nervous? He glanced over at Cas who smiled at him, sitting totally relaxed on _his_ couch, like he’d always belonged there.

 

Dean barely made it the few steps to the table without dropping the food. They ate in silence, Dean’s mind racing at a hundred miles per hour, desperately trying to come up with something to say.

 

“Do you have any alcoholic beverages?” Dean flinched at the sound of Castiel’s gravelly voice and knocked over his plate, the remaining vegetables spilling all over the ground. He reached out to pick them up, but Castiel took his hands and held him back.

 

“You are fidgety, Dean, that is a little unnerving and needless. You are doing well and the brass is delicious. I will teach you how to use the sea figs growing all around here the next time, they go very well with fish.”

 

He leaned closer and unceremoniously planted a firm, lingering kiss on Dean’s lips. Dean melted into it without hesitation, opening up when Castiel’s tongue demanded entrance. The garlicky taste, the faint smell of sea salt on Castiel’s skin, his chapped lips moving against Dean’s, Dean’s head swam with these overwhelming sensations. Castiel gripped the short hair on Dean’s head, lightly, without being painful, and guided him closer, deepening the kiss.

 

Dean let out a humiliatingly unmanly whimper. It wasn’t like he never kissed a guy before, most of his “serious” relationships had been with men, but this one was different. It didn’t feel like a quick hook up, in spite of the fast pace this was developing, it just felt _right._ That certainly never was the case with Jacob. The thought of his last boyfriend made him jerk away from Castiel and he sprang to his feet, still heavily panting.

 

“Sorry, sorry, Cas, I’ll get us a beer if that’s okay, okay? Be right, uhm, I’ll be back in a second.”

 

He took two bottles out of the fridge and leaned against the counter, his back to Cas, eyes closed against the memory of anguish and fear. He jumped when Cas laid a hand on his shoulder and he quickly withdrew it again.

 

“I apologize if I upset you, Dean, that was not my intention. Is there anything I can do to make you feel more comfortable? I could leave if you-”

 

Dean shut him up with a hungry kiss and the connection, the strange _bond_ he felt was there immediately when he touched Cas.

 

“Please don’t leave, I don’t want to be alone, I can’t, and, just stay for a little while, could you?”

 

He hated to sound so needy, was afraid he’d chase Cas away with his petty fears, his pathetic begging, god he felt so broken and unworthy.

 

“Shh, don’t go there, I’m here, right now, and I’m not going anywhere. When you find me trustworthy, I want you to tell me what caused you so much pain, but for now, I just want you stay in the present, can you do that for me?”

 

Dean stared at him in awe. The few times he tried to be with someone after what happened with Jacob, they always turned around and ran when it became obvious how much baggage Dean carried around with him, but he couldn’t blame them, he’d probably done exactly the same. But this, this was different. Even though they’d just met, he knew that Cas was telling the truth, that he cared about him. He would’ve choked on every word he would’ve tried to get out, so he just nodded and let Cas guide him back to the couch.

 

Cas kissed the corners of his mouth, his cheeks and temples. He took his time to carefully peel away Dean’s shirt, button for button and worshipped every inch of bare skin he revealed with his soft lips and clever tongue. There was an unspoken promise in these slow motions, he’d give Dean time to say stop whenever he started to panic or feel uncomfortable with a touch. But Dean wanted more, wanted to feel Cas’s skin on his, all of him, just feel, ground him in the here in and now.

 

He put his hands under Cas’s button up, let them roam, explore, revel in the heat of another body. Cas seemed to understand and broke away to strip off his shirt while Dean hastily got rid of his own before Cas was on him again, their bodies flush together, close, lips moving on lips. Cas moved down dean’s sweaty body, kisses, licks until he reached Dean’s hard dick that was straining painfully against the zipper of his jeans.

 

“Cas, please, I need, I need more.” Dean couldn’t stand the barrier of thick fabric that separated them.

 

“I like it when you call me that, _Cas_ , no one else ever does that.”

 

Cas opened Dean’s jeans and he obediently lifted his ass, so Cas could tuck the damn thing down, together with his boxers, removed them in one smooth move. He leaned back and let his gaze wander over Dean’s flushed body, obviously liking what he saw. Dean whimpered, the sudden loss of contact and scrutiny almost too much for him. He closed his eyes, waiting for Cas, for something and it didn’t take long before he could feel Cas’s erection press against his own.

 

Cas must’ve gotten rid of his cargos, there was nothing between them, just hot skin and drops of sweat and breathy moans.

 

“You are so beautiful like this, always beautiful. I’m so happy I chose you, you are an amazing man, Dean Winchester.”

 

Dean turned his face away from Cas, but snaps his back when Cas took both their leaking cocks in his head, smearing precome all over them and begins with lazy strokes.

 

“Look at me, Dean, I want to watch your face when you fall apart, your amazing eyes on me.” Dean did what he was told, couldn’t resist the deep growling voice, the hoarse rumble falling from Cas’s lips.

 

“Perfect, you are perfect for me, just for me, mine.” Cas picked up the speed, stroking his thumb over the sensitive head and dipping slightly into the slit of Dean’s dick. He didn’t dare to look away from Cas, his possessively gleaming eyes, reddened cheeks. Dean closed his own fist around Cas’s hand, adding more pressure and Cas, let his head fall back, eyes closed. He wanted to be good for Cas, wanted to be his.

 

When Cas bit down lightly on his neck, Dean came with a cry, the intense orgasm whiting out everything, there was just them, nothing else matters, past present or future. Cas spilled over their hands and let himself collapse on Dean’s heaving chest.

 

“I can hear your heart beating, it’s strong, a good heart, I can tell.” Cas kissed the star formed scar marring Dean’s freckled skin and for the first time, Dean didn’t shy away from the gentle ministration of this ugly reminder. He slung his arm around Cas’s muscled back and they simply lay there, tangled together, bathing in the afterglow of a truly spectacular orgasm.

 

Dean felt boneless, relaxed and let his eyes slowly droop. He was fast asleep when Cas got up and got a wet dish towel to clean them up, or when he climbed back between Dean’s splayed legs, draping a blanket over them. He listened to rhythmic thumping of Dean’s heart and let himself drift into sleep.

  
  
  
  


Dean awoke tightly wrapped in the afghan his friend Benny had crocheted for him as a farewell gift when he had left Maine. There was no heavy body draped over him, and Dean might have thought last night was a dream, but there was the slightly throbbing pain in his neck, where Cas had left his bite mark. He rolled to the side and finally opened his eyes. There was a note on the table and he almost fell from the sofa when he reached for it.

 

“Dean, I’m sorry I had to leave, I would’ve loved to watch you sleep until you woke, but I have business to tend to. I’ll meet you at the beach, same place, at 6pm. -Cas”.       Dean read the note and smiled. The watching you sleep part should be creepy as hell and he could be annoyed by the bossy tone, but it was so _Cas_ , so he let it slide.

 

He made himself a real breakfast, the first since he moved in, with bacon and eggs and decided to polish the Fresnel lense today. He set out what he needed in the gallery and put on a soft overall, so his clothes wouldn’t scratch the delicate glass surface when he heard a loud banging coming from his living quarters. He hurried downstairs to find all the cabinets and drawers standing wide open.

 

“Cas? Are you here? Anybody here?” He hadn’t locked the door, maybe someone had decided to pay him a visit, though he couldn’t think of a reason as to why they would rummage around his kitchen.

 

He searched everywhere in the apartment and lighthouse and even walked around the tower, but he couldn’t find a single trace of a visitor. There were no tire marks on the gravel or footprints in the soft earth around the lighthouse. He went back inside and found all the closet doors closed again. He couldn’t remember doing it, maybe he’d done it absentmindedly. He felt a chill creeping up his spine and had the sudden feeling of being watched. The temperature seemed to have dropped around him and he made a mental note to stock up on firewood for the small stove in the corner of the living area. He went back to his work and startled when his alarm beeped at a quarter to six, He had missed lunch, time had passed by without him noticing, like it always happened when he was working in the tower.

 

He was too much in a hurry to think about the incidents of the day, he was late for his date with Cas. He was just changing into a warm sweater when he heard a knock on the door and almost jumped out of his skin. He slowly opened it and found sheriff Hanscum smiling up at him.

 

“Heya, Dean! I just wanted to check if you’re still okay, or maybe have fallen down the stairs. You haven’t checked in with us all week and neither I nor your brother apparently could reach you on your phone.”

 

Dean looked over to his cell where he left it on the coffee table.

 

“Shit, I’m so sorry Donna, the battery must’ve died and I didn’t notice. Has it really been a week?”

 

“Ten days, it has been ten days. Your brother, Sam is it? He was worried sick.” She had her brows furrowed and examined him carefully.

 

“Again, I’m so sorry. I think I lost time working on the lighthouse, I promise I’ll call him as soon as the phone is charged again. Fuck, I didn’t mean to cause so much trouble, I’m fine, seriously.” He put on a smile that seemed fake even to him. Donna frowned but nodded.

 

“Just don’t let it happen again, will ya?”

 

“Scout’s honor.” He rubbed his neck and shifted his weight from one foot to the other. “Donna, I’d love to invite you in for a cuppa, but I’m kinda late for a, uhm, for a meeting.”

 

“Ohh, did you meet someone? That’s fantastic!” She leaned forward and whispered, “Would you mind telling me who it is? I promise, I won’t say a peep to anyone.”

 

Dean bit his lip and hesitated, but he decided he could trust her, she had kept still about his freak out after all.

 

“His name is Castiel, I met him on a hike along the beach.” He just realized that he didn’t know Cas’s last name, he should definitely ask him later. It was weird not to know such a detail after what they’d shared the other night.

 

“Castiel, Mhm, Castiel. Ooh!” Her face lit up. “I think he’s some sort of environmentalist or something. He lived in a cabin by the sea a little outside of town when I moved here, was that six or seven years ago? I can’t remember. Seems I’m getting old,” she sing songed. “He doesn’t come to town very often, I could count it on hand, a bit of a hermit. But I think he’s doing some guided tours around the bay in summer. Anywho, I’m glad you found each other. I won’t hold you up any longer.” She patted his cheeks and checked out his wardrobe with an approval nod. “From your _date_.”

 

She laughed all the way back to her SUV and waved when she drove off. Dean quickly grabbed his coat, made sure he really had locked the door and hurried down the steps.

 

He recognized Cas’s wind tousled dark hair from afar. He was standing facing the ocean, deep in thought. He took a moment to admire his strong thighs and broad shoulders and yes, he did have a great ass. Dean cleared his throat when he approached Cas, and he turned around with a soft smile.

 

“Dean, I’m very happy you came, I missed you.”

 

Dean almost hurried into Cas’s outstretched arms and hugged him close, breathing in the scent of ocean, salt and _Cas_. He instantly relaxed. There objectively were so many things that should make him weary, the fact that he didn’t know Cas’s full name, where he lived or what he was doing for a living, hell he didn’t know almost anything about the man he was clinging to like he was an anchor. But he just couldn’t find it in him to care.

 

“Missed you, too,” he mumbled against Cas’s neck.

 

They took a stroll along the water, the falling tide slowly revealing more of the sandy beach, their fingers entwined in a display of public affection Dean would’ve normally shied away from. Cas was barefoot, while Dean started to shiver in his heavy working boots and coat. When Cas noticed, he wrapped an arm around Dean’s shoulder and led them back to the lighthouse.

 

Cas pushed open the door and put a log in the oven to warm up the annex. Dean’s clothing felt damp from the ocean’s spray and wading through the water, so he stripped down to his boxers and t-shirt, hurried to the couch and crawled under the blanket.

 

“You have to stock up on tea, it’s not good for your sleep to drink coffee that late.”  Cas came back with two mugs of steaming instant coffee and joined Dean under the afghan.

 

“Your feet are freezing, Dean, you should’ve said something earlier, I don’t want you to get sick.” He took Dean’s right foot in his hand and started to massage it. Dean sighed and let his head drop on a cushion.

 

“Mmh, feels amazing, Cas.” He tried to stifle a yawn and failed. “I so owe you a blow job for this. I give fantastic blow jobs, you know.”

 

Cas grinned up at him. “I can imagine.”

 

“Cas?” Dean could barely hang on to consciousness when Cas started to work on his left foot. “What is your last name?”

 

“My last name,” Dean didn’t notice the short hesitation, “You could say that Lir is my last name. It’s gaelic, my ... ancestors came from Ireland.”

“Mhm, thanks, now I know at least one thing about ya.”

 

Soft snores filled the room and Dean didn’t notice how Cas picked him up effortlessly and carried him over to his bed, or how Cas spent most of the night watching him sleep, brooding, until he got up at the break of dawn, kissed Dean’s forehead and walked outside with confident strides. He didn’t leave a note this time.

  


                                                                                              

Three days, it’d been three days since he’d last heard from Cas. Or seen him. He’d even asked Garth for the location of his cabin with a flimsy explanation about he wanted Cas’s expertise about what to plant around the tower. He found a cozy wooden cabin, about six miles from Kelvin’s Point, but he couldn’t find Cas there either.

 

He got back into his car and let his gaze swipe over the ocean. How could he have been so fucking stupid, trusting a complete stranger, letting him get under his skin, into his heart. He beat on the steering wheel, once, twice, ten times and screamed until his throat went hoarse. He wanted to do more, smash the windows of the house in with a tire iron, punch the walls until his knuckles were bloody, anything, _anything_ but this agonizing pain he felt in his heart, down to his very soul. He wouldn’t cry, never again, over a man who had betrayed him and left him broken and alone, so all he could do was focus on breathing in and out, in and out, his head slumped on the steering wheel.

 

The last time he felt like this was after an almost 4 year long relationship, this had only been a two day fling, and he should’ve been used by now to people just walking out on him. Two fucking days, he was being so damn ridiculous. But still, he could barely hold back his tears and he was drained out of every last bit of strength he had been building up since his arrival in Kelvin’s Point.

 

He couldn’t get enough air into his lungs, the sound of the crashing waves suddenly not soothing anymore but unbearably loud, even the pale light of the full moon too bright. Cold sweat was clinging to his face, his whole body trembling, shaking, his skin numb. He could feel his heart racing, out of tact. _That’s it, I’m going to die right here and now and it’s probably for the better._ He sent a last good bye to Sam and blacked out.

  
  
  
  
  


“Dean! Dean, oh please, wake up, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, just open your eyes, please.”

 

The voice was coming from far away, barely reaching his unconscious mind, but he clung to it, let it be his guide out of his personal darkness. Sensations were slowly coming back, hands cradling him, rocking him gently, tears falling on his forehead. And that familiar voice asking for Dean’s forgiveness.

 

“Cas?” he croaked out and was immediately pressed to Cas’s chest, sobs of desperation and relief pressed into his neck.

 

“I thought I lost you, I thought you were-” Cas’s voice broke, his usually controlled, put together self completely gone. “I don’t know what I would have done, Dean, without you.”

 

Dean pushed him back, anger spiking through him.

 

“I know exactly what _I_ would have done, because I fucking lived it, asshole. I lost you, you just vanished, without a note or a life sign. Do you even know what you did to me?”

 

Dean pushed himself up, his head still spinning, the world around him not quite in focus.

 

“If you wanted a quick fuck, you should’ve told me, but instead,” Dean clenched his hands into fists, “fuck you, instead you made me believe you wanted more than that, and I, for some fucked up reason, trusted you. What it would have felt like, that kinda loss? It felt like fucking dying!”

 

Dean was shouting now, raising his right fist. “If this was just some cruel game game to you, then piss off, and never dare to cross my path again, you hear me?” He deflated and leaned heavily against the Impala’s hood. “Because for me it’s not. So let’s end this now, before I fall, ya know, fall in...before I can’t go back.”

 

The last part wasn’t much more than a whisper to himself, he was almost sure Cas didn’t hear him. He was still on the ground where Dean had left him, shoulders slumped and face tear stained. Bu there was a spark of hope in his eyes when he slowly crept forward until he was kneeling in front of Dean.

 

“I know I don’t deserve your mercy, you have every reason to hate me. But please, hear me out, only for a minute.”

 

Dean couldn’t stand Cas’s choked up voice, and hate? No. Having Cas close again, seeing his despair, he simply couldn’t stubbornly hold on to his anger and frustration.

 

“Okay, but you gotta be honest with me, Cas, no bullshit. And stand up, for god’s sake.” Dean reached out a hand to help him up and Cas didn’t let go.

 

“I am a coward, Dean. I won’t lie to you.” He took a deep breath. “I knew you’d been watching me when I went swimming that evening and I thought it was rude to intrude on my privacy.”

 

Dean dropped his gaze and bit his lip. Well shit. Cas carefully touched Dean’s chin and lifted it up.

 

“But then I watched _you_ , the way you walked, the way you looked at my ocean and then, the first touch and I knew I would fall in love with you.”

 

Dean took in a sharp breath and Cas held his head in place so he couldn’t look away.

 

“It was like I could see directly into your soul and believe me, it is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen, in my whole existence. I was so selfish to want you, wanted to make you mine, but the pull I felt, the connection, I was unable to let you go.”

 

Dean’s lips trembled. “Then why did you leave?” Part of Dean was afraid of the answer, but he had to know.

 

“Because I was scared, scared by how fast I fell for you. My life, it’s complicated. I promise, I will tell you all about it, everything. But my family, my father and my brother and sisters, they are very influential around here and they don’t approve of my choice of partner. I’m involved in our family business and it’s impossible for me to get out without the possibility that they could hurt you.”

 

”What, are you some kinda mobster? Irish Mafia? Do I have to wear a bulletproof vest? Cas, you’re not making a lick of sense.” His head was swimming with all the new information. Mainly with Cas’s confession of love, but these other things sounded too ominous for him to calm down any further.

 

“No, I’m not a criminal and neither is my family. They won’t put you in any danger right now, they agreed to that much. I was not lying when I told you I will explain myself in detail, just give me a few days to sort out my affairs, please. I know it is a lot to ask from you, especially after I hurt you so bad.”

 

Dean knew a thing or two about complicated family dynamics, so he was ready to give Cas the benefit of the doubt. The way Cas’s voice had faltered during the last words felt like a kick in his guts, he could barely stand it.

 

“I never believed in any esoteric crap, but I did feel it too, this, this weird sorta profound bond we have going on. But my heart, it’s a fragile thing and it just can’t take any more damage.” Dean blushed at his own flowery words. “Oh fuck, that sounded like something right out of a chick flick. Can we maybe get inside and talk? There is something I want to tell you, my uh, fucked up secret.”

 

“Of course, Dean, everything you want. Thank you for giving me another chance.” Cas’s mouth twitched into a shy smile and he led them into his cabin.

 

“Oh, you’re not out of the hot water, pal, not by a long shot, but it’s a start.” And maybe one he would nip in the bud right now, because he had decided to tell Cas everything, the whole ugly truth, before Cas decided to cut ties with his family for someone who wasn’t worth it.

 

Dean liked the insides of the house, the smell of wood and the fire Cas had started in the open fireplace made it warm and welcoming. But there were no pictures anywhere and the furniture, though pretty and comfortable, looked like something picked out of a catalogue to make it fit into a generic beach house. There was no personal touch to it.

 

“I heard you’ve been living here for quite some time?” Dean had expected sea shells on the shelfs, or something like that, cook books or novels Cas had collected over a long time. But there were only specialized books about the ocean and environment of the Californian coast line, all in pristine condition. The only thing that looked in use was the kitchen, with glasses of homemade jams, side by side with preserves, and herbs strung up to dry.

 

“Yes, the land has been a family property since my forefathers had first arrived in America. I don’t spend much time in here though, I prefer to be outdoors.” Some of Cas’s old confidence seemed to have come back now that they were in his home, or because he had something to do, Dean couldn’t tell.

 

“Please, sit down on the sofa, I’m fixing us a pot of tea. Do you want something to eat?”

 

Dean took a seat nearest to the fire and rubbed his hands together to warm them.

 

“No, thanks, tea is fine.” His stomach was in knots, he was sure he couldn’t keep any food down.

 

He was staring into the flames, pensive, trying to find a point where he could start his damn sob story, when Cas placed a steaming cup of herbal tea into his hands.

 

“It’s made from sea fig leaves, it’s strong but will warm you up from the inside.”

 

Dean took a sip and grimaced. It tasted bitter and faintly salty, but he liked the warmth spreading through his stomach. He turned to face Cas.

 

“Where do I even begin.” Dean leaned back and let Cas take his free hand, caressing his knuckles as he let out a deep breath.

 

“When I was four years old, I watched my mom burn in a house fire. A guy my dad had a fight with over money dad didn’t pay back had decided to burn down our house to make a point. I like to believe he didn’t know that mom was still inside, my father, me and my baby brother Sam just came home from a trip to our grandparents and she was supposed to be with us. But she had taken on some shifts in the hospital and, I- I saw her at the window.” He pressed his lips together into a thin line and paused. “Her hair was already burning and she couldn’t get it open. I tried to run inside, I swear to god Cas, I wanted to save her, but my dad held me back and all I could do was watch her slide down the glass and, oh fuck, I did nothing, not a thing but watch her die.” His voice had a slight tremble, but he held it together pretty well. He’s told this part so often, it had lost some of its edges.

 

Dean could see that Cas was holding back, that he probably wanted to console him, so he shook his head and Cas understood.

 

“To make a long story short,” and because he wouldn’t be able to finish the whole story if he stopped now, if he was honest with himself, “Dad blamed himself and never put down the whiskey bottle after that day. We lived with our grandparents for a while, but when they tried to file for custody, dad packed us up and shipped us from one old military buddy’s to the next. None of them were equipped to care for a baby, least of all my father, so I stepped in. And I guess I didn’t fuck up too bad, because Sam got a full ride to Stanford when he was only 17 years old.”

 

Dean smiled fondly at the memory of his smart brother and how excited he was when he got the letter.

 

“But I still had to pay for everything else and because I knew I would fall into a hole if I stayed back home alone, ha,” Dean clenched his jaws and looked into the distance, “not that we really had a home, just a ratty hole in the wall apartment somewhere in Maine where dad had last dumped us right before he vanished for good. Anyway, I enlisted in the Army, but after basic training, they strongly advised against sending me to Afghanistan because of how fucked in the head I am with my fear of fire and flying and a lot of other crap. So they assigned me to the Coast Guard, which was fine, I always felt at home on the sea.”

 

The corners of Cas’s mouth went up and he squeezed Dean’s hand harder.

 

“And it had been the right choice, really. For the first time in my life I was good at something, and after Jacob started tutoring me, I even became a decent engineer. Jacob, uhm, Jacob and I became a _thing_ , I don’t know, I wasn’t in love, but it was good, what we had, at least in the beginning. We kept it on the down low, even after Don’t Ask Don’t Tell ended in 2011, Jacob liked it better that way.”

 

Dean took another sip from his tea, which was even worse now that it had gone cold. He shivered despite the heat from the fireplace and goosebumps covered his arms, like the temperature had dropped several degrees.

 

“After we had been together for almost four years, he suddenly asked me to move in and I said yes. I thought that would get us closer again. When I look back now, I don’t understand why I was so hellbent on making our relationship work, it had grown kinda stale. I guess I was scared to be alone again.”

 

Dean clutched a fluffy, blue cushion to his chest. He didn’t want to feel Cas’s hand withdraw, which would inevitably happen when he had to listen to the next part.

 

“As soon as we started living together, Jacob became more and more possessive. He accused me of cheating, didn’t let me go out alone or meet my friends anymore. We were both stationed at Rockland, but assigned to different ships and anytime I got home, he went through my things, checked my phone for secret messages and stuff. I didn’t even realize how much control he had over me until my best friend Benny took me aside and asked me what was wrong. He was one of the few who knew about my bisexuality and the only one who knew I lived with Jacob. He didn’t outright tell me he thought I was in a toxic relationship, but I got the gist. And guess what I did?” Dean scoffed. “I told him to never talk about Jacob that way again and left. Like an idiot.”

 

Cas moved closer, but he didn’t do more than that.

 

“But after that, I payed closer attention. I noticed I lied to Sam in our weekly phone calls, when he asked how I was doing. I was always on edge, waiting for the next blow. It wasn’t like he beat me, but he- he liked to push me around, ya know, press me into corners, blocked the door or take away my keys.” Dean swallowed against a lump in his throat.

 

“I told him I’d leave him. I had found a place I could stay and I didn’t really have much stuff anyway, so I packed a few bags, called a cab- and left. He didn’t even try to hold me back or threaten me. He just asked for a last date, that night at our old home, so we could bring it to a civilized end. I was so stunned by his calm behaviour and I sort of owed him that, so I accepted. All the way to the new apartment I felt so torn, maybe I had misjudged him, made a big drama out of nothing. Benny was there to help me carry in my meager belongings and he assured me I was doing the right thing. He offered to drive me that night but I said no, I mean nothing was gonna happen, right? We’d talk it out like adults, we’d see each other at the base all the time after all, and I didn’t want to make things awkward for Jacob.”

 

A shiver ran through him and this time Dean let Cas run a hand up his arm, just a light touch to remind him he was there and listening.

 

“When I arrived at the house, he had lit candles everywhere and music was playing, he had cooked dinner for us, my favorite, meatloaf and mashed potatoes. To this day I want to puke every time I smell it.” Dean dug his fingernails into his palms, hard enough to leave little bloody moons and fought not to close his eyes, let the memories consume him.

 

“He told me he would change, how sorry he was, that he still loved me. He tried to kiss me and when I said no... when I said no, he grabbed my throat with both hands and choked me. I was by no means a small man, but he caught me off guard.” His free hand drifted to his throat, feeling the ghost of strong fingers there, cutting of his airway.

 

“Dean, you don’t have to tell me now.” Cas whispered, jaw working, but Dean just turned to focus on the fire.

 

“I tried to fight him, I kicked and scratched and I did shake him off eventually. I broke his nose, but he managed to land a blow against my throat, again, and I fell to the ground, unable to breathe or move.”  Dean’s breath now came out raggedly, shallow, but he continued before Cas could stop him.

 

“He pulled a revolver out of a drawer, an old thing I had never seen before. The bullets slipped out of his hands because he had wiped at his nose. They were coated in his own blood when he finally managed to put them into the clip. I just watched, the whole time, I just watched him getting ready to kill me. I couldn’t even scream, or plead for my life. He aimed at me and shouted something like: ‘That’s all you deserve, you dirty whore, a bullet to your empty head.’” Dean could hear Jacob, each word dripping with hate and ice.

 

“I knew I’d die, then and there, on a dirty kitchen floor, because I’d been too blind to see what kind of man I had spent years dating, _years_. Then the door flew open and Benny was there, his M9 trained on Jacob, demanding him to drop his weapon. It went so fast, Cas, I-I didn’t even duck. I just felt the impact of the bullet in my chest and heard Benny fire his shot. Jacob was dead before he hit the ground, but I made it. I don’t remember much from the first days in the hospital. I woke up with a fragment of the bullet still lodged in my heart.”

 

He opened a few buttons of his flannel and pointed at the place that would always remind him of the second worst night of his life.

 

“It would be more dangerous to remove it than to just let the muscle heal over it. It sits directly in the part that separates the left from the right chamber, I get regular check ups and I’m fine. As long as it doesn’t move I’m perfectly fine. No big thing, Cas, I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m…”

 

Cas caught him when he completely collapsed into himself. He clung to Cas’s back and cried, for the first time in years he allowed himself to let his tears fall freely. Cas gently rocked him, held him tight, didn’t let go, told him it was okay.  He guided him down until they lay comfortably on the couch, Dean’s head tucked in the crook of Cas’s neck, breath slowly evening out.  

 

“I got honorably discharged after my recovery. Thank god Benny had followed me that day and called for help as soon as he heard us fight.”

 

Dean propped himself up on his elbow and finally looked at Cas with bloodshot eyes.

 

“The whole thing was great fodder for the press, gay soldier shot by lover, tragic end to gay love, all that jazz. My father found out and contacted me. Not to make amends, but to tell me he was dying, liver cancer, what else, and needed help. I moved to Kansas, cared for him until he died and enrolled in KSU.” There was more, the year of homophobic slurs he had endured from his father, his loneliness and panic attacks, but he was too tired and he already had burdened Cas with enough of his crap.

 

“You understand now why I lost my shit when you disappeared after I let you into my life? How hard it is for me to trust anybody? I don’t want to hear you say ‘I’m sorry’, that means nothing to me. You gotta prove it, I don’t know how, but I want you to try, okay? If you still want me, that is.”

 

Cas kissed him, just a feather light brush of his lips against Dean’s, asking for permission and when granted, Cas parted his lips and let Dean inside, let him set the pace. Dean’s fingers played with the hair that curled on the nape of Cas’s neck, he let his tongue map the sensitive spot behind Cas’s ear, tilted his head back and mouthed at his throat.

 

“I want you, I want you so much, I’ll always want you. I’ll never stop showing you how much you mean to me.” Cas lifted his body so Dean could pull of his sweater and let his hands roam over Cas’s sides, caress the soft skin, press into hard muscles.

 

“I promise, I swear, I will never do you harm. I want you to be happy, that is my first priority. Fuck!”

 

Dean couldn’t help but grin into the skin of Cas’s hips, where he had just left a giant hickey, he finally got Cas to slip up and curse.

 

“Show me, Cas, show me what you think makes me happy.”

 

Cas flipped them over in an effortless display of his strength and hovered over Dean. He plunged into another heated kiss, this time invading Dean’s mouth, ripped his shirt open and sent buttons flying everywhere. He placed a careful kiss to Dean’s throat and the scar before he covered his right nipple with his mouth, sucked and let his tongue toy with the sensitive spot until Dean was writhing and moaning underneath him. He did the same to the left side while he blindly fumbled with the zipper of Dean’s jeans.

 

Dean had mercy with him and undid his pants himself and slid them off his legs, boxer briefs included. When he lifted up his ass, his erection rubbed against Cas’s crotch and he could feel how hard he was. The light friction and the attention Cas payed to his nipples had him leaking precome and he had to squeeze the base of his dick to hold back a premature orgasm. He could almost feel the electricity between them, could smell ozone mixed with sweat and the salty tang of the sea.

 

Cas was only wearing sweatpants and apparently had a thing for going commando, so Dean just hooked his fingers into the waistband and tugged them down far enough that their cocks could brush together without anything between them.

 

Cas threw his head back, finally releasing the swollen, reddened nubb and let out a guttural cry. He moved his hips against Dean’s who eagerly pressed his body up, chasing the friction. Cas moved down Dean’s leg and tore a frustrated, “Hey, what the fuck, Cas!” out of him, before he licked around the purplish red head of his cock and all Dean could do was shout out Cas’s name.

 

He opened his legs wide, and Cas let one finger tease over Dean’s hole while he swallowed him down to the hilt. Dean was a mess. He tangled his hands into Cas’s sweaty hair and guided his head up and down his dick, loosing himself in the wet sound and heavenly suction of Cas’s expert mouth.

 

Cas swirled his tongue around Dean’s erection with every bop of his head, tracing every vein, savouring the taste and weight of Dean’s cock. It was intoxicating, addictive to see Dean falling apart under his ministrations.

 

Cas reached for a hidden drawer in the coffee table and pulled out a small bottle of lube and a condom. He withdrew his finger and came off Dean’s cock with an audible pop.

 

“Really Cas?” Dean mewled, he wanted this mouth back where it belonged. “Don’t let me… oh my god, yes.”

 

Cas had lubed up his finger and pushed it past Dean’s tight ring of muscles.

 

“As I said before, you talk too much.”

 

Dean would have kicked the sassy bastard, but he had just added a second fingers and found his sweet spot, so he was busy babbling incoherently.

 

“Cas, Cas, Cas, fuck, Castiel!”

 

“That is my name indeed.” He stifled Dean’s upcoming protest by taking his dick back into his mouth and hollowing out his cheeks to give him the blowjob of his lifetime. Dean’s back arched up and he met Cas with shallow thrusts. Cas curled a hand around Dean’s hip and pushed him down, a cue for Dean to take it slow. He was rewarded by a third finger fucking into him, his hand spreading, scissoring him open.

 

“I’m ready, Cas, please, wanna feel you.”

 

Cas withdrew his fingers and reached for the condom, but Dean stopped him. Cas arched an eyebrow and Dean nodded. He’d never had unprotected sex before, but he knew Cas wouldn’t put him in danger if he worried about himself. But it looked like Cas wasn’t as he tossed the package aside and coated his cock with more of the lube.

 

He put a pillow under Dean’s ass and lined himself up. It burned pleasantly when he slowly pushed inside Dean’s tight hole, stretching it around his thick cock. Dean wrapped his legs around Cas’s waist and brought them closer together, guiding Cas deeper inside.

 

Cas kissed him again, hungry and sloppy, rocking into Dean, excruciatingly slow. He pinned Dean’s hands over his head and held them there. He nibbled on Dean’s strong jaw, sucked a dark mark right under his collarbone. Cas changed his position between Dean’s legs and picked up the pace, nailing the prostate with every thrust. Dean wanted to reach for him, scratch his nails down his back, leave his mark, but Cas’s hands were like vices and didn’t let him go.

 

Dean bucked against him in an effort to break free, but the added pressure made him see stars. He’d never been fucked like this before. He let Cas completely take control and he loved it. He wasn’t insecure or afraid, he just got lost in the pleasure, the look of desire and reverence _he_ put on Cas’s face. It was a heady feeling and had him coming closer to orgasm than he’d already been.

 

Cas finally released his hands and Dean used them to tug Cas down for a kiss. His dick was now trapped between their bodies and Cas’s ever increasing speed had him coming all over their bellies far too soon. He bit down into Cas’s neck, drawing blood and Cas spilled into him with a loud wail.

 

Cas collapsed on top of Dean and he could feel Cas’s heart hammering against his chest. They both were gasping for breath but wearing a dopy smile. Two puzzle pieces finally connected again, a perfect fit.

 

“That was extraordinary, Dean. I haven’t had intercourse that intense in my entire life.”

 

Cas reached for the blanket that had dropped to the ground and covered their cooling bodies. Dean patted his head and sighed.

 

“Yeah, Cas, that was some really awesome _intercourse_.” He chuckled at Cas’s miffed look and yelped when he pinched his barely visible love handles.

 

“Are you making fun of my rhetoric?”

 

“Are you insinuating I’m fat?”

 

They said “I would never” at the same time and broke out into a borderline hysterical laughter that eased the last of the lingering tension Dean had felt after his emotionally exhausting confession.

 

“Let’s get cleaned up and under some warm covers, I think I can see my breath.” The fire had died down and Dean wanted to wipe off the mess on his stomach and between his thighs before it dried completely.

 

“Mhphm.” Cas snuggled closer and Dean had to tickle him to get him to stand up and lead them to his bedroom. Cas went into the bathroom and returned with a washcloth and a towel. He washed Dean while planting tiny kisses on the clean skin.

 

“Cas, stop that,” Dean griped, “that is fucking hot and I think I’m gonna die if I go again tonight.” He let his hands glide down Cas’s neck and stopped at the spot where he’d bitten him.

 

“Fuck, Cas, I’m sorry, does it hurt?”

 

Cas got to his feet and kissed Dean’s palms.

 

“No, don’t worry, I like it that you left your mark on me.” He shooed Dean under the thick blanket and draped himself protectively around him. Dean’s story had shaken him to the bone and he hoped and prayed to the gods that what he was about reveal to Dean wouldn’t add to his pain. It took him a long time to fall asleep.

 

                                                                

 

                                                                                

Dean persuaded Cas to try the cafe he drove by on his first day for breakfast, as much as he’d appreciated the tea last night, he needed something more flavorful and caffeinated in the morning.

 

Cas had his arm slung around Dean’s middle the whole time they waited in line for their coffees and doughnuts and kept their fingers entwined when they sat down at a table by the window. Dean almost jumped out of his skin when he heard a tap against the glass, followed by an epic blush when he saw Donna and Garth standing outside giving him the thumbs up while gesturing between him and Cas. The two respectable law enforcers made kissy faces before strolling giggling down the road, leaving a bewildered Cas behind.

 

“I should get in contact with the townspeople more, they seem...delightful.”

 

“They are a bunch of nosy dorks, that’s what they are.” Dean snorted and couldn’t help but lean over the table and kiss the confused look from Cas’s face. Their eyes locked and dean could feel that familiar pull stronger than ever. There were still so many things left unsaid, secrets held by both of them, but for now, in this very moment, Dean was happy. A smile bloomed on Cas’s face and Dean was sure he felt just the same.   

 

Cas stroked a gentle thumb over Dean’s cheek and Dean leaned into the touch. “What do you say we wrap this up and get back to my cabin?”

 

“Hell yes!” Cas laughed when Dean stuffed the rest of his bear claw into his mouth  and eagerly dragged him out of the shop.

 

They spent the next two days talking about everything and nothing in between making love. And Dean would call it exactly that, certainly not out loud, but that’s what it was. He’d never felt that connected to anybody else, physically and emotionally and for once he didn’t let any dark thoughts cloud his happiness.

 

After the third day Dean begrudgingly returned to lighthouse, he didn’t get paid to let himself get fucked silly after all. Cas wanted to talk to his family a final time, but he promised he would be back by next morning. They kissed goodbye and Dean reluctantly drove away.

 

He stopped on the way to say hi to Donna and left beet red after she endlessly teased him about his hickeys and bed hair. He didn’t fare much better with his phone call to Sam, who laughed at his hoarse voice (he had shown Cas that he too could give head that could liquefy your brain in the shower that morning) and coaxed every detail Dean knew about Cas out of him.

 

“So, you sound happy, haven’t heard that in a long time.” Sam’s voice grew soft, “You deserve this, you know, happiness. I’m glad you found it again.”

 

“Yeah, whatever, bitch.” His brittle voice betrayed his cockiness, but Sam didn’t comment on it.

 

“Whatever, jerk. Take care and don’t forget to call.” Dean assured him he wouldn’t and they hung up after Dean sent his love to Sandra and Eileen.

 

He indulged himself with daydreams of Cas meeting his family, of making him a part of it. He hummed as he put on his overalls and continued working on the first order lense. He’d miss the heat of Cas’s body tonight, but he trusted him to come back for breakfast. Huh, he really did trust him again, just like that.

 

“I made it way too easy for you, you hoity-toity jam making sex god,” he muttered under his breath. He felt an ice cold chill breeze past his neck and the smooth glass of the lense frosted over.

 

“You are mine, whore,” a whisper into his ear that made Dean afraid to turn around. He knew that voice all too well, but that couldn’t be, it just couldn’t.

 

“MINE!” Glass splintered around him and Dean could just cover his face. He started to slip as he stumbled backwards and fell, cutting his palm on the shards that were scattered all around him. That brought him out of his stunned state and he was able to take in his surroundings again. The lense was still intact, it didn’t even have a crack, but the gallery windows were all blown to bits.

 

“No, no, no, no, how- how is that even possible?” He tore at his hair, on the verge of crying. He was losing his mind. Jacob was dead, his body burned and his ashes scattered over the sea, his family had seen to that. He had no explanation as to why only the windows were smashed, why they broke in the first place. If it wasn’t for the throbbing pain in his hand and the blood slowly seeping through his overalls, he would’ve thought he was hallucinating.

 

He fished his cell phone out of his jeans pocket and pressed speed dial one for the sheriff’s office, but all he could hear was static crackling and then the phone went dead.

 

He cradled his hand to his chest and scrambled to his feet, careful not to slip on the glass and fall down the stairs. He pulled a large shard out of his hand and cleaned the wound with disinfectant he found in the emergency kit he had stashed under the bathroom sink. He wrapped it in gauze and a bandage, grabbed his keys and went for the door. He should drive into town, he probably needed some stitches and he had to tell the town’s council about how he needed money to replace a whole wall of glass.

 

He was thinking about how on earth he could possibly explain that without coming across as a complete lunatic and only then realized the door knob wouldn’t turn. Panic settled in, he tried again, rattled on the damn thing, pounded on the door.

 

“Is anybody out there? Let me out, this isn’t funny anymore. Hey!” He stopped, breathing hard, but there was no reply. It was cold, so cold that he could see the breath coming out of his lungs. Dean slid down the wall, wedged himself in a corner and covered his ears.

 

“Go away, please, go away, leave me alone. You are not real, no, no, you- you can’t be.”

 

The coffee table was smashed against the wall, the couch overturned, icy footsteps formed on the floor, approaching him. Dean screamed, he was trapped, trapped in his own home, by god knows what. Strident laughter filled the room, fingers like icicles stroked down his cheeks and the door burst open.

 

“I command you to leave!” Cas stood in the frame, hand outstretched and eyes gleaming bright blue with electricity. There was shrieking, wailing, the fingers drew back and then there was nothing but silence.

 

“Dean!” Cas was by his side, cradling his face. “Are you hurt? Dean! Talk to me, love.”

 

“Cas? What- what just happened?” Cas wrapped an arm around Dean’s waist and helped him to his feet. He pushed the couch back into its upright position and made Dean sit down.

 

“Your hand! Show me, do we need to get you to a hospital?” he reached for the bandaged hand but Dean flinched away.

 

“‘m fine, Cas, that can wait. I want you to tell me what happened just now and you better explain it to me good, because I’m five seconds away from bolting and never looking back. You know what was after me, don’t you.” It was no question, it was a conviction.

 

Cas licked his lips, hesitant to start.

 

“You have to know one thing, Dean, everything I’m going to tell you will sound absurd, but I swear on my life, it’s the truth. Can you at least believe that?” Dean nodded and Cas flashed him a timid smile.

 

“Thank you.” He rearranged his position so he could make eye contact with Dean. “There are places in this world, places where for some reason or another the boundaries between this world and the other, the world of what you would call the supernatural, are thin, very thin. You know about the sailors that died at Dead Man’s Rock. They didn’t go peacefully, as you can imagine and when something like that happens, it can leave a crack in the boundary, so to speak, and makes it easy for things to come through to this world that don’t belong here. Like evil spirits.”

 

“You’re- are you telling me this place is haunted?” Dean’s eyes were wide and he scooted further away from Cas.

 

“It hasn’t ever happened before, but then again, I have never had a close connection to anybody living here. I think it’s my fault, Dean, as it is my fault that there’s  this crack in the first place. I should’ve been there to save those poor souls that day, but I was too late. And my mere presence, it alone tends to attract unnatural beings.” He stopped to watch Dean’s reaction, gave him time to process what he just heard.

 

“What do you mean, you should have been there? It was what, some 150 years ago that the Kelvin sank, how old are- what are you Cas?” He leaned closer again, searching Cas’s features for any signs of insincerity, but finding none. However hard it would be to swallow what Cas was about to say, after the events of  today, and more important, after his time spent with him, Dean knew he would believe him.

 

“My family, we are Lir, what the Irish first described as a “sea god”, or the personification of the sea. But we are more than one, protectors of the oceans and all that is in it. We have been more, but over time… we lost so many, Dean, my brothers and sisters, slaughtered in useless wars and fights for power, lost to oil spills and pollution, there’s not a lot of my family left.”

 

He waited for Dean to push him away, call him a liar and chase him out of the lighthouse for good, but instead he found himself enveloped in a tight hug.

 

“I’m sorry, Cas, about your family. I can’t even imagine what I would’ve done without Sam. As much as family sucks at times, it’s still family, right? Can’t do nothing about that.”

 

Dean could feel Cas go stiff in his arms and drew back to look at him.

 

“That’s not all, isn’t it?”

 

“No, but you do trust me, Dean? That I don’t lie to you?”

 

He looked like he was ready to get his heart broken, so Dean pulled him in for a chaste kiss.

 

“I do, so help me… You. I do,” he whispered against Cas’s chapped, full lips.

 

“I’m not god, Dean, I’m just a minor deity. I don’t possess many powers, especially when I’m out of my element, literally. I- I even could ask for my family to make me mortal, an ordinary human being and I tried, Dean, I tried so hard to convince them to let me stay with you, my soulmate, here, so we can grow old together. But with only so few of us left,” he sighed, regret and defeat bleeding into his voice. “I’m needed, Dean, I can’t vacate my responsibilities, there is simply no one who could take my place.”

 

“What- what does that mean, Cas?” dean pulled away and the fact that Cas couldn’t even look at him told him everything. “You’re leaving me.”

 

“No, not for good, it’s just,”  Cas completely deflated before Dean’s eyes, “It’s just that I don’t know when I’ll have to leave or how long it will take me to come back, it could be months sometimes.”

 

“I don’t care!” Dean leaped to his feet and hugged his own chest. “I don’t give a fuck if I have to wait for you, hell, I’ll even light a candle in my fucking window like some old sailor’s wife.”

 

Cas stood up and approached him like he was a freaking wounded animal.

 

“I know you would, but I ask myself if that would be fair to you, Dean. I don’t age like you, I-I couldn’t stand the thought of you throwing your life away, your chance of a normal family and-”

 

A mug came crashing down beside his feet.

 

“I don’t fucking care about normal, Cas. Why... why can’t you let _me_ decide what’s good for me?” And as an afterthought, almost inaudible he asked, “Why can’t I come with you?” Dean hated how needy he sounded, the thickness of his voice.

 

“Because I can only take the souls of the drowned, Dean! And I can not return them to land, do you understand? That is something you can never ask of me. I don’t want to take the choice away from you, but I also don’t want to deceive you, trick you into doing something you will regret.”

 

Dean slumped to the ground, his legs giving out under him. All he could hear was that Cas was leaving him, that Dean Winchester once again wasn’t worth the effort, didn’t deserve something, _someone_ for himself. He had believed cas, trusted him when he told him he loved him. He put his head in his hands, unable to think clearly.

 

“Dean, I-”

 

“Leave,” he swallowed hard, “Cas, please, just- just give me some time to think. It doesn’t mean that I, fuck, Cas,” he couldn’t find any words to express his state of mind and he didn’t look up when he heard Cas stepp away from him.

 

“I understand. I will take care of the wreckage, when it’s been destroyed the haunting should stop. When you come to a decision” Dean could hear Cas’s voice wavering, “Please come down to the beach and call me, call me whatever it is you decide.”

 

Cas didn’t wait for a reply he knew he wouldn’t get and Dean listened to his receding footsteps. Booze, he really needed something to get drunk on, now. But first, he had to board up the gallery or he would be frozen solid by the morning. He exhaled and went to find some plywood panels.

 

                                                                     

 

                                         

Dean woke up clutching one of six empty beer bottles to his chest. He had become a lightweight, a freaking six pack had knocked him out cold for hours. It was pitch black outside, not even the moon showed through a thick layer of clouds. He fumbled for his phone and groaned when the bright screen flickered to life. Almost midnight, he could just as well go to bed. Alone, without Cas. Stupid brain, what was all the alcohol good for when it couldn’t block out his most daunting thoughts.

 

And that was when it clicked for him; the thought of doing that for the rest of his life, going to bed without Cas, waking up without the satisfaction of coaxing a smile out of Cas’s grumpy morning ass, a life entirely without Cas, the only one he had ever loved outside his family - unbearable. He loved him and if that meant he had to make some sacrifices, it was still worth it.

 

He was going to tell him, right now, it couldn’t wait. He almost slipped on a discarded bottle on his hurry to get to the door and was almost outside when ice cold fingers grabbed his wrists and pinned him against the wall. A foul stench invaded his nostrils and Jacob’s face came up to his, close.

 

“You don’t get to leave, whore, you belong to me, you are mine, _mine!”_

 

Dean tried to scream but nothing came out of his closing throat. He could see the bullet hole left in Jacob’s temple, the glazed over dead eyes staring at him. Dean wanted to turn his head away from this awful sight, the predatory grin splitting his dead partner’s face, but he couldn’t move.

 

Pain shot through his chest and he was gasping for air that wouldn’t find its way into his lungs. Jacob had one of his hands tightly wrapped around Dean’s neck, choking him, while the other moved over the scar. Dean felt like his heart was being ripped out of him.

 

“Did you really think I would just stand by and watch you getting fucked by that stranger, offering yourself up like a cheap slut?”

 

Blood started to flow down Dean’s chest, pain like he had never felt before blacking out his vision.

 

“I’ve come to take you with me, where you belong, my pretty plaything.” Grating laughter filled the cold air around Dean and this time, he was sure he was going to die.

 

“Your heart, that’s what binds us together, you know.” The pressure around his throat diminished and Dean greedily sucked in much needed air. Jacob kissed the now bloody scar and Dean could feel his skin blister underneath these cold lips.

 

“A part of me, stayed inside of you.” Jacob tapped at his heart. “A tiny bit of my blood forever wedged in that muscle. I tried to take you much, much earlier, but see, that was only possible after your little boyfriend appeared on the scene. I should probably thank him for that.”

 

He threw Dean into the middle of the room, knocking his head hard against the oven. Jacob was instantly on him again.

 

“I had years to think about how I could return the favor,” Jacob tapped against the bullet hole in his head. “I could choke you, or just snap your useless neck, but what would be the fun in that?”

 

The room went from freezing cold to blistering hot, flames roaring up behind Jacob, cutting Dean off from his only way out.

 

“Then it came to me: You are gonna die like your whore mother. That is exactly what a dirty, cheating piece of shit like you deserves and I’m gonna have a blast watching you burn alive.”

 

He was kissing Dean again, holding him down and Dean frantically fumbled for something he could use to throw Jacob off, to maybe make an escape through a window. His hands found the iron poker he used to stir up the embers and swung it at Jacob’s head. To his surprise, the form shrieked and dissipated into a frazzled, dark cloud.

 

Dean tried to orientate himself in the thickening smoke, it already became hard to breathe and the flames were closing in on him. There was no way to go but into the staircase. He had waited to close it off from his living quarters to make it easier to transport building material, and now he was thankful for his decision.

 

He made a beeline for the tower entrance, but the heavy, cast-iron door didn’t budge for an inch. He was still holding the iron poker and tried to smash in the only window, maybe he could pry loose the iron railings shielding it from storms and climb outside, but he couldn’t even make a scratch into the safety glass.

 

More smoke filled in and the fire was so close that he could feel it licking at his feet. He staggered up the stairs to the gallery and shut the trapdoor, but it was just loose planks nailed together, they didn’t stop the invading flames. Sardonic laughter surrounded him from every direction, he had nowhere left to turn.

 

He used the iron to tear out one of the wooden panels and stepped onto the platform. Strong wind tore at his clothes, the raging sound of the waves mixed with that of the flames. Jacob materialized in front of him in a ring of fire and crowded Dean against the railing.

 

“You can’t get rid of me for good with that stick. You are gonna burn, bitch, just like I want you to.” Jacob stepped closer, the flames following his wake and melting the soles of Dean’s shoes.

 

“You- you don’t get to decide anything for me, motherfucker.” With the last of his strength, Dean threw the poker. It barely grazed Jacob’s shoulder, but it was enough for him to let go of Dean. With the fire blazing around him and the evil spirit waiting to take his soul, Dean only had one choice left.

 

He climbed over the railing, closed his eyes and jumped.

 

 

                                                                             

  


 

                                                                       

It was a beautiful day out for September, the sun pleasantly warmed Sam’s back as he stood on the cliff overlooking Kelvin’s Point’s bay. The air would probably taste like salt and fresh herbs, but the stench of the burned out lighthouse overwhelmed everything else.

 

Eileen had wanted to go with him, afraid he would break down, but he had to do this alone. He’s had the stupid notion he could be with his big brother, just the two of them for one last time. Like it always used to be. But even leaning against his beloved Impala, he didn’t feel like anything of Dean was left in this doomed place.

 

No one had an explanation for what had happened, where the fire started or how it could’ve spread so quickly. The flames had been hot enough to bend the steel in some places, that shouldn’t even have been possible.

 

They couldn’t find anything, any remains of his brother, didn’t know if he died in the fire or maybe jumped. There was evidence that he might have made it to the top of the tower. Just thinking about Dean, his caring, devoted, smart and warm hearted Dean in terms like that, _remains, corpse, deceased_ , it made Sam’s stomach turn.

 

They had planned a memorial service in Dean’s honor at the end of the week, to give Benny time to fly over. Well, Eileen had, Sam wouldn’t have known what to do. It had been Dean who had taken care of their father’s funeral and that of their grandparents when they passed away. Always Dean, always carrying so much on his shoulders without ever complaining, not once, even after all what had happened in Maine. And just when he’d finally seemed to have found happiness again...

 

They had tried to get in contact with that mysterious Castiel Dean had been talking about so much, but sheriff Donna found his house boarded up and abandoned. Maybe he had needed to get away from the place that reminded him of Dean and Sam couldn’t blame him. There was nothing left to bury, so after the funeral, they would pack their bags and never return. There were happier memories of Dean in his home, with Eileen. Memories, that’s all there was.

 

Sam wanted to scream, wanted to rage against destiny itself, it just wasn’t fair. He blinked the tears out of his eyes, clenched and unclenched his fists. He had to keep it together, just a little while longer.

 

Turning his back to the ruin, he climbed the stairs down to the beach, maybe there he could get rid of the pungent smell of death. Despite the strong breeze coming from the ocean, the sea was calm. He stepped closer to the water’s edge and let his gaze roam over the vast planes of water before him. Seagulls were circling over his head, sea lions lazily bathing in the sun on Dead Man’s Rock.

 

It took him a moment to realize what he was seeing. At first he thought it was an optical illusion, reflections playing a trick on him, but the longer he tracked the movements of the strange object, the more confident he became that it was indeed a man’s head he saw popping out between the shallow waves. He wasn’t far from the shore and Sam could clearly make out dark, wet curls framing a handsome face with piercing blue eyes.

 

He had come out of nowhere, but Sam wasn’t sure how much attention he had really paid to his surroundings. He waved and the man dove under, just to appear about a minute later, this time accompanied by another man, a man with sunbleached light brown hair, freckled skin and deep, green eyes.

 

Dean. As sure he was that the sun always sets in the west, was as sure as he was that this man was Dean. He started to wade into the water, but a sign from the dark haired man, Castiel, that must be Castiel from all Dean had told him, stopped him in his tracks.

 

Dean flashed him a brilliant smile and kissed Castiel, a gesture so filled with joy, affection and love that it stole Sam’s breath away. With another smile and a wink that was so essentially Dean, both men disappeared back into the ocean.

 

Sam sat at the shore until the sun went down, tears now streaming freely down his face. Come next morning he would look for a little house in Kelvin’s Point. He would return to this place many times after all, the place where Dean had found his happiness. And maybe, just maybe they would meet here again one day.

 

                                                               

 

Epilogue

 

Dean felt his bones shatter on impact and ice cold water filling his lungs. Then there was a bright, hot, searing pain in his chest overpowering his senses and the last thing he was aware of were glowing blue eyes and a voice whispering into his ear.

 

“It’s okay, Dean, I’ve got you, you can let go.”

 

And then Dean Winchester died.

  
  
  
  
  
                                                                                            

Dean slowly blinked his eyes open. The first thing he felt were strong arms wrapped around him and a warmth that was spreading through every single cell of his body. There was no pain, no anxiety, just a calm quiet. His vision was still blurry, but he’d recognize the fingers running through his hair everywhere.

 

“Cas? What… what happened?”  He wasn’t sure if he said those word aloud, but he was sure that he’d been heard. The grip around his middle tightened for a moment and Dean was suddenly aware that he was sitting in Cas’s lap, his back pressed so tightly against Cas’s broad chest that Dean could feel Cas’s heart beating. A beating heart.

 

Memories flooded his brain, pictures of flames and rotten flesh and Dean began to struggle against Cas’s embrace. His hand flew up to his chest, searching for the familiar starburst scar, but he flinched when the light touch send a sharp pain through left side.

 

“I had to take the bullet out, it was what linked Jacob to you. I’m so sorry Dean, I’m sorry that I didn’t recognize it earlier, I… I should have known, I should have saved you.” A shudder ran through Cas’s body and Dean was sure he was crying. “I tried to come back when I saw the flames, but I was too late, you were already in the water and I… please forgive me Dean, I couldn’t do anything but let you die.”

 

Dean turned to face Cas and that was when it hit him that he was under water, completely submerged and not breathing.

 

“You kept my soul.” It wasn’t a question, Dean just new it, like he knew that his own heart was still pumping blood through his veins.

 

“And your body. It was selfish of me, but I couldn’t lose you, I just couldn’t. I… I claimed you as my mate.”

 

“Your mate? What do you mean, Cas? Am I dead or alive, what am I?” Dean could feel confusion and fear rising in his throat.

 

“You’re going to be one of us, it will take a while for you to adjust and I’ll still have to introduce you to my family, but you are bound to me now, like I’m bound to you.” Cas placed a gentle kiss on Dean’s lips and Dean relaxed a little. “You won’t be able to leave the water until your transformation is completed, it can take years, maybe even decades, I honestly don’t know. None of my kind has ever taken a human mate. All I know is that I can not exist without you anymore. If you choose to leave now, I will release your soul to heaven and follow you there. Your life, your first life, it hasn’t been nearly as good to you as you deserve. I would do anything to go back and change it and it breaks my heart that I can’t. But I promise you, whatever you choose, Dean, I promise you’ll have an existence as pure and beautiful as your brilliant soul. I love you and I will prove it until the end of times.”

 

Like everything that concerned Cas, it didn’t take Dean a split second to decide. All or nothing.

 

“I want to stay with you, here, and give it a try.” Dean swallowed hard and was very relieved that Cas couldn’t see his tears as they dissolved in the salty water around him. “I love you,” it felt strange to say it for the first time in, god it must have been 30 years, but now it seemed Dean couldn’t stop. “I love you, I love you, I love you.”

 

Cas slung his arms around Dean’s shoulders and tucked him in for a deep kiss, their bodies swaying gently with the current. Dean waited for the familiar panic to rise up, but all he could feel was overwhelming happiness and the certainty that he had finally found _home._

 

“I just wish I could let Sam know that I’m okay, he doesn’t deserve to be worried about me.”

 

Cas grinned rather smugly and held out his hands. “Follow me, I think I know a way. After all, I’m a god in this realm.”

 

“Show off,” Dean thought fondly as he took his hands and let Cas lead the way. He may not have the slightest idea what his future was holding for him, for him and Cas, but Dean was sure that as long as they were together, it would be filled with love.

  


 

_The End_

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed my first longer fic, please let me know by leaving a comment or visiting me on [tumblr](http://reaperlove77.tumblr.com).
> 
> Kudos and comments are everything to an author, it's what keeps us going, so please make sure to always take your time to leave some. Thank you :)
> 
> I based the lighthouse heavily on [Pigeon Point Light Station](http://www.parks.ca.gov/?page_id=21959), if you have any questions about 19th century lighthouses, I'll do my best to answer them :)
> 
> Oh and I totally stole the title from Ed Sheeran's [I See FIre](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mllXxyHTzfg) and the Kelvin in Kelvin's Point from the USS Kelvin, the ship George Kirk dies on in the alternate Star Tre timeline.


End file.
